


How to Earth

by Pink_Polenta



Series: The Adventures of Desmond [3]
Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Desmond need to learn to fit in on earth, Gen, Real friendships start by touching someone's face, Where is Sweden even located?, those orange things called carrots, tomatoes are nice (and very much a fruit)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2015-11-22
Packaged: 2018-04-29 01:05:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5110796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pink_Polenta/pseuds/Pink_Polenta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Desmond needs to pose as a Swedish man but has no idea where Sweden even is. It's just part of his many adventures on earth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Earth

Desmond had been on earth for a little bit, this time in the right time. He was trying to act like a normal human being to not attract too much attention to himself. He was supposed to do a few things. He was supposed to tell people a few different things about himself.  
Desmond was supposed to say he was from Sweden although he had no actual idea where that was. He was supposed to say his last name was Mikaelson which apparently was Swedish. He still had no idea where Sweden was. He also was told to say that Mjun was a ferret. Whatever a ferret may be. He also had to put on loads of sunscreen, He got really burnt in the middle/ages and didn't like the colour his skin turned when he got burnt. It hurt. 

With these things he had no problems, the only things he was worried about were not getting hurt, or as the Doctor said: “Don’t get shot.” and the fact that it was really green.

His initial visit to earth in the middle-ages was so hectic he didn’t have time to notice the fact that everything was green. This ended up being a problem because Desmond lived on a diet of tomatoes and bell peppers ever since they arrived. He was considering eating the orange things called carrots as well. Clara told him the best way to get used to the greenness was to get in the middle of it. This is why he was in a park. 

Desmond was nervously sitting on a bench with a bag of little tomatoes he snacked on during the day. A few minutes later someone sat down on the bench next to him. Desmond looked at the person who had sat down. Desmond was flabbergasted because the person who sat down next to him had a very dark skin colour. Was this the black skinned people Clara had told him not to stare at? He was dressed in what looked to be quite comfortable clothing, but nothing like he had seen humans wear before. Maybe they were Earth’s variant of sport clothing. He was also exhausted, which confirmed the sport clothing theory.

“Do you want a tomato? Very nutritious and delicious.”  
“Uhmmm, sure I guess, thanks.”

He gave the man a tomato and noticed his shirt.

“believe in what?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Your shirt?”  
“Oh, alien life.”  
“Tell me more!”  
“... Alright…. I believe that with the universe being infinitely big, it is impossible that we are the only ones in the universe. With an infinite amount of chances it can’t be possible that life has only evolved on one planet.”  
“Fascinating theory. I think I must agree with you.”  
“Sorry, if I’m a bore. I’m a bit of an alien fanatic.”  
“You’re not boring me in the least.”  
“The shirt is from the X-files actually.”  
“Eh?”  
“There is a poster in the X-files office with the text ‘I want to believe’ and a ufo.”  
“Right.”

Desmond made the mental note to ask Clara what the X-files were. It sounded like a government institution that he should be aware of.

“My name is Desmond.”  
“Chris. Are you new around here? I haven’t seen you before.”  
“Yes, I just moved over from Sweden.”  
“Oh cool, What city?”  
“Oh, I don’t know what you would call it, it’s really far north.”

Desmond was getting nervous, because the problem was, he didn’t even know if Sweden was north and how far north it would reach if it did. He made a mental note that after asking about the X-files he should ask about Sweden.

“That’s okay, I wouldn’t know where it was if you had named a city. I’m not that great at Swedish geography.”

Desmond smiled, Glad he didn’t have to worry about knowing where Sweden was because this man didn’t either, well he probably knew where it was but didn’t know the exact location of everything in Sweden.

“You do look interesting.”  
“How do you mean?”  
“I don’t know you just do.” 

He had the nagging feeling that he shouldn’t say: “because you’re black.” It would probably not have ended well.

“Anyhow, seeing as you’re new, do you want me to show you around?”  
“That might be a good idea. I really don’t know what to do beside sit here.”

Chris stood and motioned to Desmond to follow him. Desmond stood and followed Chris out of the park

“Where are we going?”  
“I’m just going to show you around, we’re not really going anywhere in particular.”

So they walked around and it actually helped Desmond because he finally knew how to get where he needed to go.

“So what do you do then?”  
“What?”  
“You must have a job?”  
“Well I was a magician.”  
“Was?”  
“Magic is not the best job market right now.”

Chris laughed. Desmond was just happy he could come up with a good excuse on such short notice. He realised he also needed a job. The Doctor was financing him right now. X-files, Sweden and a job. His mental list of things to talk to Clara about kept getting longer. He didn’t know if he would get all the answers but he had to try. The problem was that he didn’t really have enough skills to have a job, he was a magician, not even that great at it, but he never really learned to do anything else. The only thing that kept him afloat as a magician was the fact that he was good at selling himself. Maybe he could do something with selling himself He would have to ask about that too : X-files, Sweden, jobs and selling yourself. Although that should be combined with a job.

“I have a weird question Chris.”  
“What is it?”  
“Don’t kill me, but can I touch your face.”  
“What?”

His interests in how this man looked could not keep quiet anymore.

“Can I touch your face?”  
“Uhmmmm, sure”

Desmond extended his arms and touched Chris’ face. He didn’t know that his weirdness had just made him a friend.

**Author's Note:**

> Desmond's first (sort of) solo adventure! We are still very much in denial about the events of 'facing the raven'.


End file.
